Learning to take a step back.

I'm learning to take steps back when I need to. Sometimes, the best thing we can do for our progress is to know when to stop, without judgment—a challenging concept for musicians. From the beginning of our careers, we're constantly pressured to be better and faster, with a sense of urgency in our relationship to practice. We feel the need to be accepted by this university by the age of 18, to win this competition by the age of 19, to have our careers sorted out by the age of 20, and so on. But when you pause to think about it, we may not fully understand why such a hurry, or for what purpose. We often feel like failures if we don't meet self-imposed expectations, which might not align with our personal rhythm and learning process. When we can't keep up with this pace, we may feel like impostors, questioning not only our ability to reach future goals but also doubting past accomplishments and feeling like we don't belong. Impostor syndrome is something all musicians, regardless of experience or talent, are prone to experiencing.

This week was tough for me, and I sort of gave up on my meditation routine and practice. Looking back, taking a break wasn't the issue; it was my reaction to stepping back that made me feel so bad. As perfectionists, we struggle to accept that we can't always perform at our best. It's challenging to acknowledge that our bodies follow their own rhythm, not the one we imagine, and that breaks are crucial steps in our progress, not something to be ashamed of. Reconciliation lies in accepting that even when we stop, we're always doing the best we can, and doing our best is enough. It's not about knowing how to avoid bad days or a lack of motivation; they will come whether we like it or not. Instead, it's about recognizing that they are part of our learning journey, signaling areas where we may be missing something, and finding what is outside music practice that replenishes our inspiration and nourishes our passion.